Tag: fear

My feet

My feet are sore,

Too long standing,

Too long waiting for change,

For direction, for a road.

Heel scoring thin grooves,

Shifting loose grit,

Exposing the ancient solid,

Chasing the hard cracks,

To unexpected places,

Long time baked brittle,

resistant to gentle softening,

But friable, daring a stamp to shatter.

Still waiting, not risking the blow,

Not sure what lies beneath,

What might be revealed,

Wrapped in roots of whatever grows,

Whatever we allow to grow.

My feet are sore,

Too long standing.

Too long balancing the options,

Foot to foot, toe to toe.

Feeling the blow, the punch, the slap.

Facing the challenge,

uncomfortable on my soles.

Curling, rolling, bending,

in anticipation, in waiting,

To stand un-moveable in my place.

As the air moves around me singing,

Pushing and provoking.

My feet are sore,

Too long standing.

I’m still waiting, waiting for myself.

Waiting.

I know I should be moving,

Stirring the earth into new ways,

Painting fresh paths with my momentum.

But I fear the cracking ground,

I fear the hardness and it’s brittle future.

I fear the roots that rise and twist and catch,

Me.

I fear me.

My feet are sore,

Too long standing.

Finding…

Finding is only the end,

It’s the aching arrival,

The ceasing exhale,

The stretching of never.

Feeling the blood pool,

The earth creep up tired limb,

Sit they say, sit.

But there is peace in the in-between,

In the swing between planting,

Foot after foot.

Peace in the movement,

Peace in the progress,

Peace in the stretch.

There is peace in not knowing what comes next,

Only that next is inevitable,

Next is coming.

Next is yours.

Peace is in the search not only the finding.

Stand in the gap

Stand in the gap,

When they want to force you to take up an extreme, refuse.

When they want to you to be polarised, refuse.

When they want you to ignore the complexities and conundrums of life, refuse.

Instead stand in the gap where the real people stand.

Where the people who do not want to be pushed or defined by others insecurities and obsessions stand.

Stand where the subtle colours shift and shine, where the deep and generous patterns flow.

Stand with the thinkers and dreamers, the survivors and strugglers, the lovers and yearners, the busy and distracted, the confused and the searching, the poets and the prophets.

Plant your feet in the shifting sand and stand with the ordinary and extraordinary.

Stand while the edges shout their insults and slogans, their extremism and their intransigence.

Stand whilst they shout themselves to a deafened standstill in their fear and their anger.

Stand in the place of humility and love,

Stand in the place of unknown adventure,

Stand in the place of wonder and expectation,

Stand in the place of the God of desert and river, of exile and pilgrimage, of birth and rebirth, of love and sacrifice.

Stand as an invitation to others to stand there too.

Friends

Through the pleated folded shroud,

My personal projection,

I look upon the polished crowd.

Souls with a connection.

To seek a ricochet of me,

See an image bouncing back,

to paint my picture primary,

In contrast to the black.

More richly saturated,

Not my tired and beaten frame,

No more worn or torn or faded,

By doubts I chose to name.

A dream that flutters, spins, wheels,

Blown by the mornings cast,

Try to catch it, grasp the real,

hold on and make it fast.

And if I look at them I see,

If I can only dare,

The best of who I’m made to be,

A future me we share.

(Nb. Rhyme is really not my strong point!)

Hope

Hope burning heart,

Bones clamping tight,

Holding, binding, trapping,

The fear of loss,

greater than grief itself,

The fear of chaos,

Mutes the music,

deadens the beat,

Inside it fades,

Dying notes flatten and sink,

Squeezed of all life,

Dimming spark,

Down,

Down,

falling,

Captive hope evaporating,

In the dark the dog barks,

A familiar sound,

Echoing in the hole,

where hope once lived,

The hope that died because it could not dance,

Because it was not thrown into the chaos,

To spin and leap,

To weave new moves,

To trace fresh paths,

To make wild shapes,

To cast and lead rebirth,

Hope does not fear the dance,

Hope does not fear the chaos.

Hope cannot be bound.

Icarus

Icarus was a fool,

Who would not learn or listen.

They tried to teach him properly,

To never fly too high,

to play within the lines,

To keep to the boundaries,

know where the danger lies.

To stay in the safety zone,

and not exceed his limits.

“Don’t reach too high,

or push beyond the edge”, they cried.

But Icarus the fool refused

He flew on wings of wax,

And sought the sun.

He risked the greatest fall of all.

To fly so high and then to die.

Does that make Icarus a fool?

Advent 31

If I look it feels like the whole place is spinning,
everyone is so busy,
I cant look! I sit and try not to look.
I am scared.
I try not to see.
I try not to think.
If I think I can feel the wave begin to build,
I can hear it,
I know if I let it it will smash into the illusion,
I know that it will wash away the walls I’ve built,
I know they will crumble and truth will crash through,
and they will see.
I am scared.
If I look, I will see their joy,
the way they look at me in expectation,
and I will have to smile, even laugh.
and I will break.
The fear of what is coming and the loss of what was,
will rush and pound and pour through the cracks,
and they will see.
I am scared.
I know if I dont look I can hold on,
I know I can keep it together,
I know it will be over soon,
but right now I am scared.
I feel loved and I am seen,
some know,
some understand,
some look at me and I know they see,
I can’t look, I can’t catch their eye.
I am scared.
Very soon everything will be different,
but knowing that is no comfort.
I know I am blessed, I believe.
I heard the words, I joined the song,
but now it gets close, and,
I am scared.
I am so scared.